


like i used to watch you sleep

by archers_and_spies



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, no, will i ever stop writing first kisses?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24158359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archers_and_spies/pseuds/archers_and_spies
Summary: Two tentative knocks sound at the door. Even in the dark, Clint recognises Natasha's profile as she opens the door a little.“Hey,” she says softly. “Can’t sleep?”--The night before the time heist.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	like i used to watch you sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashlearose13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashlearose13/gifts).



> for ashlea because i know you love clintnat and taylor swift!!!!  
> Disclaimer- I own nothing etc etc  
> because I've been binge reading Ashlea's fics I dreamed about Clintasha and when I woke up I knew I had to write it. I wrote this at one in the morning (shh don't tell my parents) while listening to the saddest taylor swift songs so enjoy!!!

Clint shifts on the uncomfortable mattress he’s been given. Not that he doesn’t appreciate it, but— well. he supposes it’s his fault, really, that he doesn’t have his own room here: when the world needed the Avengers the most, he vanished and—

Two tentative knocks sound at the door. Even in the dark, Clint recognises Natasha's profile as she opens the door a little. 

“Hey,” she says softly. “Can’t sleep?”

He suddenly feels exposed and bunches his sheets around his waist a little bit more. “Yeah.”

She opens the door wider and nods her head toward the hallway. “My room’s down this way. And it has an actual bed.” 

She turns and doesn’t wait to see if he follows. He gets up slowly.

\----

Her room is-- impersonal. Different from the one she had in the Tower a decade ago. Where there used to be notes from her friends on one of the walls back then, when for a short moment they were all happy and it seemed like they’d be okay, there’s now a map hanging in front of Natasha’s left wall.

He pretends not to notice the red circles on the places he’s struck and killed.

She’s already pulling the sheets back on her double bed. For a fleeting second, his mind strays and he wonders who else had slept in that same bed with Nat, then remembers that’s not his business-- or anymore, at least. He lost best friend privileges when instead of helping her put the broken pieces of what’s left back together, he ran off to at least five different continents slaughtering people, watching the lives drain out of his enemies’ eyes, _enjoying_ it. All the while his best friend was falling apart at the seams, doing the work everyone else was too unbothered to.

He manages to tune out his guilt and climbs into bed beside her. She curls into him almost immediately, resting her head partially on his chest, and suddenly everything changes, shifts, in the sense that _nothing_ ’s changed, because of course it’s all the same. He’s not exposed or uncomfortable anymore. Even after all these years, this is Natasha, his Tasha, and they’ve done this so many times before-- Serbia, Budapest, Ukraine, he could go on.

The warmth of her beside him grounds him, and he’s overcome with the urge to cry-- they’ve been through so much together and yet they’re both still here, alive to tell the many tales.

The silence is comfortable, as usual. Clint breaks it: “This thing we’re going to do tomorrow… it won’t be easy.”

“I have faith.” She shrugs minisculely. “We’ve already dealt with so much.”

He chuckles, the sound foreign to his ears. “When did you become such an optimist?”

She doesn’t answer for a few seconds, and that’s how he knows they’re not joking around anymore, if they ever were.

….

Natasha replies eventually, “Ever since everyone else became too afraid to be one,” and it’s the truest thing that she’s told someone in over two months. Everyone’s scared to get their hopes up. She knows, she used to be like that once. It’s probably better than her state now-- desperately grasping for any straws.

“Then that makes you the bravest person I know, Tash,” he whispers, and so just because she’s always wanted to for a long time, she cups his face and gently kisses his forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose and then lips, so quick she barely feels the brush of it, like a lingering shadow.

“Tasha.” He’s staring at her with maybe a little awe on his face, and she can’t take it. Not when she knows he’ll be leaving in the morning.

She hushes him. “Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

She waits until after he takes his hearing aids off before adding in a whisper, “Я люблю вас.”

\----

Clint wakes up to her comforting weight on top of him. He watches her breathe, admires the way the sunlight from a window hits her red-blonde hair perfectly, making it look like a waterfall of golden curls.

As he gently and carefully crawls out of bed, she turns over onto her side, back facing him. He waits to see if she’ll move, but she doesn’t. Even if she is awake, she’s not making it obvious: her way of telling him _go, it’s okay_. At this point, it’d be more awkward if he somehow wiggled back into bed, so he just gets up and leaves.

\----

That night, Clint Barton walks back into Natasha’s room with tears running down the cheeks she’d kissed, wishing he had stayed just a little longer.

_So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe  
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
Hope it’s nice where you are  
And I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day  
And something reminds you you wish you had **stayed**_  


\-- _Last Kiss_ , Taylor Swift 

**Author's Note:**

> NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE A LAST KISS NEVER IMAGINED WE'D END LIKE THIS YOUR NAME FOREVER THE NAME ON MY LIPS JUST LIKE OUR LAST KISS
> 
> (the russian translates to _I love you_ ) 
> 
> [in reference to this headcanon](https://the-archer-and-the-spy.tumblr.com/post/616453683089195008/headcanon-that-natasha-had-a-wall-with-a-map) / [other platforms!](https://linktr.ee/karasnecklace)


End file.
